Respecting Those Closest

Yesterday, my husband and I were talking, and I asked him, "What is the number one thing that I could change to make our relationship better?" He said, "Have a better attitude."

His response startled me. In my mind, I generally have a good attitude. I give people the benefit of the doubt, I’m careful not to snap at people who can’t control/didn’t cause my problem, and I work to let minor things go. I go so far as to think about what a stranger or acquaintance might be going through, and cut them slack.

But do I show the same consideration for my husband? Sadly, that answer is often a big “No.”

I come home from work most days tired, and either stressed or annoyed. Though I work hard not to take these feelings out on my husband, I do complain to him about them. What I didn’t realize is that to him, the two are often interchangeable.

Interestingly, I had read this post on BiblicalWomanhood.com on Thursday. Perhaps this loving Christian wife’s pitfall helped to me acknowledge my own, and be more open to the criticism of my husband than I might be otherwise. While it’s good to know that I’m not the only wife that falls into this pattern, it’s scary to think that women (or men) are habitually taking their frustrations from outside the home and planting them in the very place that, in my husband’s words, “is supposed to be safe.”

Benjamin & me on our honeymoon, August 2007

We have enough things to worry about at home without bringing in outside contamination. Home is supposed to be safe – and while “safe” to me may mean being able to voice my frustrations, “safe” to my husband is being able to enjoy his wife in a pleasant environment.

This is not to say that I should not share things that have a significant impact on our lives. I don’t think my husband would suggest that, either. But if I can strive to limit my venting to things that really matter, I will more thoroughly honor my husband. I want my life to revolve around home – not work, traffic, or trivial worries.

We should show the greatest respect and love to those closest to us. And though I had convinced myself that I was respecting him by being open, he only felt disrespected and dumped-on. I need to show his definition of respect, just as I want to be shown mine.

Stay-At-Home Moms in Perspective

Browsing Biblical Womanhood during lunch, I came across the following article. I am not a mom, of course, but this excerpt spoke to the purpose of stay-at-home moms that I know and respect, and the reasons behind my wanting to be one someday.

If I identify myself as the culture does, as a "stay at home Mom", one who has no intellectual contribution, gross-national product contribution or status symbol contribution, I become just that: a woman who sees herself as one who has grunted and groaned out another human being and now stays behind her four walls, in self-inposed seclusion. Not much of a vision there--it actually sounds strangely psychotic.

If I deem myself as a woman employed by the Creator of everything ever created, as on work assignment in a sacred domain for the sculpting of souls that will exist forever and forever without end, I have a burning passion of purpose. And a paycheck that is said to be beyond what eye or ear can even comprehend!

Read the full article here!

New Year's Resolutions

I’m not a fan of “New Year’s resolutions,” but I figured I could rouse my blog out of hibernation since it’s now 2009. In my experience with friends who make resolutions, they often seem to get lost in the clutter of everyday life by mid-March or so. It’s almost as though the more important something seems at the beginning of the year, the farther it can travel to the bottom of the “to do” list.

At the same time, though, shouldn’t we set goals for ourselves? Shouldn’t we pick a time to start improving in some way, and then work hard to stick with it? Isn’t the turning of the calendar year as good a time as any?

I know that some people can set goals, and achieve them all year long. For those people, I admire your commitment and resolve. It’s amazing! And some goals do, indeed, lend themselves to a January-to-December time frame.

However, many goals may be better supported by a different calendar. I know people at church who, after the Passover in the spring or the Feast of Tabernacles in the fall, will set a spiritual goal to accomplish by the next festival season. Maybe it’s baptism, or reading the entire Bible, or praying every day. Not only do these types of goals have a deep and lasting benefit, they’re also based on God’s calendar!

This, of course, is not to downplay the importance of achievement on a more (for lack of a better word) superficial level. But these, too, can often work on a different schedule. For example, young women frequently set a goal at some point during the year to lose pounds or inches by the following summer. You may give yourself a deadline of a week or two to completely clean your house – or just the living room. Something as short-term as a certification exam or a test at school can be an equally worthwhile, and perhaps more achievable goal.

And for me, achievable is a necessary trait in a goal. With my busy schedule and long list of “to do…eventually,” crossing off a task, no matter how small, feels amazing. For more long-term goals, I find myself putting off starting a project or regimen, feeling as though it’s not worth it to do 1 page of my scrapbook when I want to do the whole thing, or exercise 1 day this week if I know that the other days won’t be open. I need to learn to accept little victories, and celebrate them as such.

So I guess the point is that any time is a good time to commit to change in our lives. Any time is a good time to make a dent in a project, if we can make that “dent” the goal. After all, it’s when we’re the most motivated to grow that we will be most successful. And that can happen on January 1 or the middle of July.

It's "Pubic" Not "Public"

This isn't a hard concept, people.

Two days this week, I went into the bathroom at work & was unpleasantly surprised to find a pubic hair on the toilet seat. I always use the same stall, so the perpetrator probably does too. I don't understand how that can even get on the toilet seat unless you're sitting really funny. But if it does, clean it off!

The same goes for little tinkle drops. In fact, that's even grosser.

So please, just like you check your teeth in the mirror when you leave, please check to make sure you haven't left a present for the next person to use the potty :)

A Woman's Right to Choose: Beyond the Abortion Controversy

I have decided to post my paper, which attacks (based on philosophical & ethical grounds) the practice of requiring gynecological prodding in exchange for hormonal birth control. I've been hesitant, since I did turn the paper in for a class, but as I don't plan to adapt the paper for any future classes at this point, I don't mind posting it. Just for records' sake, though, in case professors look online, I turned in this paper for my Medical Ethics course in March 2008, and an adapted version for Advanced Composition in June 2008.

I was prompted to go ahead and post my essay after reading a very helpful post by another woman on her blog. Please visit http://crackerscentral.com/wordpress/?p=57 to read.

“A Woman's Right to Choose"

Beyond the Abortion Controversy

“Our body is a machine for living. It is organized for that, it is its nature. Let life go on in it unhindered and

let it defend itself, it will do more than if you paralyze it by encumbering it with remedies.”

(Leo Tolstoy, War and Peace)

Amid the fight for property, suffrage, and abortion, the right to medical options for women has somehow managed to escape the eyes of society. As a result, women remain almost powerless to determine the best method of gynecological care for them. Restrictions placed on oral contraceptives, widespread insistence on annual invasive examinations, and the enthusiastic following for the new HPV vaccine are socially accepted norms to which physicians rigidly adhere. Although research exists to maintain these standards for certain health reasons, equally strong evidence supports the bending or elimination of these stringent practices in favor of the patient's physical and mental wellbeing.

Most medical professionals recommend that women have an annual pelvic exam for one prevailing reason: The early detection of the human papillomavirus (HPV) and cervical cancer. Prior to the 1950's when the pap test became a regular tool for detecting cancerous and pre-cancerous cells, cervical cancer was the number one cancer-caused death in women. Some studies have shown that use of the test has reduced deaths from the disease by 70% ₂. Other reasons include the detection of ovarian, endometrial, and breast cancers, sexual education, and the evaluation of irregular symptoms such as debilitating menstrual cramps, excessive bleeding, and missed periods. Women, according to gynecologists, should begin these annual exams soon after becoming sexually active, but no later than age 21 ₁.
Research also cites a correlation between long-term hormonal contraceptive use and HPV, with an increased risk of cervical cancer ₃. Doctors frequently deny contraceptive prescriptions to patients without a pelvic exam, referencing this medical mantra, as being for the "good of the patient."
However, ethicists are not so willing to accept this hardwired view of "good." Edmund D. Pellegrino, in his book The Internal Morality of Medicine, suggests four individual components to the patient's own good: the medical good, the patient's perception of the good, the good to humans, and the spiritual good. Not surprisingly, the component most frequently found in medical practice is "the medical good," focusing on what will keep the patient most physically healthy. However, Pellegrino writes, "What is medically 'good' simply on grounds of physiological effectiveness may not be 'good', if it violates higher levels of good, like the patient's good as he perceives that good" ₄. Physicians must be "concerned with the patient's personal preferences, choices, and values…the balance he strikes between the benefit and burdens of the proposed intervention" ₄. For some women, the burdens of mainstream gynecological examinations may include emotional distress, feelings of invasion, and betrayal of religious commitment. In many cases, the benefit of early cancer detection, for which most are not at risk, does not outweigh the harm done on a personal level.
Emergency contraception, which contains the highest doses of the hormones in birth control ₅, is not regulated nearly as severely as daily-dose contraception. In fact, adults can acquire the morning after pill as easily as they would Tylenol, simply by driving to a pharmacy and requesting it. Minors in some states require a prescription (given over the phone) or a parent's help to get the pills ₅. In Canada, Plan B has been lowered from "prescription only" to "Schedule II (behind the counter)" status, resulting in a greater in-store supply in many pharmacies" ₆.
Plan B, effective if taken up to five days after intercourse, can cause the disintegration of a developing embryo. Regardless of the morality of abortion, this is definitely more potent and potentially damaging than low-dose hormonal contraceptives.
Yet, "the American Medical Association and the Society for Adolescent Medicine…recently recommended that physicians provide their patients with emergency contraception before they need it" ₅. Advocates for Youth shouts, "Don't wait...go out and get emergency contraception before you need it!" ₅. Why isn't this encouragement and ease of access afforded to women who responsibly plan in advance?
Proponents of annual pelvic exams quote statistics of increased cervical cancer rates in users of birth control. Taken appropriately and in the lowest effective dose, however, oral contraceptives can actually improve a woman's health. Well-known benefits include the decrease in menstrual cramps and protection against anemia, ovarian cysts and symptoms of PMS ₉. Hormonal contraceptives have also been shown to reduce the risk of endometrial and ovarian cancers by up to 80 percent, especially when taken for an extended period, regardless of the dosage ₈.
Cervical cancer, which many experts believe to increase in likelihood with the introduction of contraception, actually may reduce some risk as well. For young women, “evidence of significantly lower incidence of HPV infections in oral contraceptive users than in non-users has been reported” ₃. As a long-term benefit, “regularization of menstrual pattern with hormonal contraceptive use could improve mucosal immunity, and, therefore, immunity to HPV infection, and lower the risk of cervical cancer in later life” ₃.
In reality, cervical cancer is caused by a few specific factors, which many women do not have. According to the World Book Encyclopedia, the main causes include HPV, smoking or inhaling second-hand smoke, sex as a young teenager, and having sex with multiple partners or a man who has had many partners ₇. HIV is also serious indication ₂.
Still, the leading cause remains the human papillomavirus. HPV is less harmful than medical professionals readily explain, with 80 percent of people contracting the virus at some point during life. The majority of these cases disappear on their own, often without the carrier ever knowing they are infected. As the Women in Government organization stresses, “An HPV infection rarely leads to cervical cancer. In most women…the body’s immune system destroys the HPV infection” ₂.
Professionals stress the cancer’s deadliness due to its lack of symptoms. However, some early symptoms actually exist, among them unusual vaginal discharge, spotting, and pain during intercourse. Even these symptoms do not guarantee the disease, but merely suggest further testing, such as a pelvic exam ₂. HPV, though feared greatly as a result of the newly-popular “Will you be one less?” campaign for the innovative vaccine, is more benign than society knows.
In addition to the pap test, new methods of screening for cervical cancer are available, which have been shown to give results more accurately and quickly than the traditional technique. Using the same pelvic exam, a liquid-based pap test can be more accurate, and therefore administered biannually, because the cells are removed from other fluids for close examination. Though not recommended for all ages, an HPV test can be used simultaneously with a pap test for more accurate results ₂.
An article in the Journal of the American Medical Association provides shocking news for women hoping to avoid a traditional pelvic exam. Testing of a self-collected test has shown it to be “less specific than but as sensitive as Papanicolaou smears for detecting high-grade cervical disease” ₁₂. The rates of false positives are higher in the self-collected tests, which one could argue makes the test less helpful. However, the more sensitive the test, the greater a tool it can be for detecting a problem and suggesting further, more traditional, testing. To clear up any doubt, the new test was cross-checked for accuracy with four other cervical cancer screening tests, including the pap test ₁₁. “The availability of a noncytologic screening method not requiring a vaginal speculum examination,” suggests Dr. Thomas Wright and his fellow authors, “may reduce underscreening” ₁₂.
The self-collected test also appears to take less time to produce results, often available within two to six days of the sample. Alternatively, pap test results were not given to patients for about eight weeks. “A patient’s aversion to undergoing pelvic examinations may be difficult to overcome. Testing for HPV DNA by self-collected vaginal swabs at the time a woman provides a routine urine sample would eliminate the need for a speculum examination and would convert cervical cancer screening to a simple laboratory test” ₁₂. Doctors, for whatever reason, do not eagerly disclose these alternatives to their patients, providing cause for concern among patients that they are not being shown all of their options.
As a result, some agencies will delay the requirement for an exam for up to a year after contraception is started. Planned Parenthood, through a program called HOPE (Hormonal Options without Pelvic Exam), allows young women to start on any method of birth control after a medical history questionnaire and a blood pressure check. Though they recommend annual exams, this stereotyped organization actually recognizes the uneasiness experienced by women faced with such a procedure. However, Planned Parenthood will supply only one year’s worth of contraceptives through this program, eventually forcing women into the same standard of protocol to which most doctors subscribe ₁₀. Instead, this organization and others ought to recognize the long-term need for their temporary options. If a young woman can start taking a hormone without a diagnostic test to use as the control, there is no reason to insist upon the test if symptoms do not develop.
In the United States today, women have access to emergency contraception as frequently as they need it, they can obtain abortions with little or no counseling, and they can have long-lasting cosmetic surgery without second opinions. Doctors recommend that smokers quit and that heart disease patients diet and exercise, but they can not force their patients to follow their suggested regimens. Instead, they advise, and then work with the individual patient to develop a treatment or prevention plan that fits his or her personal needs. Gynecologists, to fulfill their calling to work for the patient’s good, need to focus on these individual needs more acutely than the ever-prevalent current standard.
Just as extensive cardiovascular tests are not widely recommended for young, active men with no family history of heart disease, we find no pressing need for women without risk factors for gynecological maladies to have tests for such. There is no reason to require a pap test unless the patient has disclosed something to warrant such a procedure.
In fact, a patient's lifestyle may even do the opposite. Married women with no previous sexual partners and a clear family history may be harmed more than helped. "This anxiety may be greater than the fear of pregnancy, and women might…prefer to switch…to condoms" ₃. This, however, severely limits a woman's options, when there is no critical medical reason to do so. Consider the abortion issue. Few today would suggest limiting a woman's options to adoption in an unwanted pregnancy. Though it can be argued that nine months of pregnancy and birth are more "inconvenient" than the potential discomfort of a condom, we should remember that the first may involve an individual's promiscuity, while the second may have the effect of punishment for harmless personal preference.
Other groups with deep-seated belief factors are happily accommodated, and rightly so, by the medical community. Some Jehovah's Witnesses will not submit to a blood transfusion for reasons of faith. These people carry cards marked "No Blood Transfusion!" with them, quoting the book of Leviticus. Though the Watchtower Blood Policy changed in 2006, many members of this faith still will not receive blood transfusions ₁₃. However, an injured Jehovah's Witness would be helped in any alternative way possible, with reverence for his personal choices. Women who object to invasive exams for similar reasons should be provided the same courtesy and respect.
Physicians have the right to refuse to provide treatment methods to which they have ethical objections, including denial of prescriptions to women who do not submit to tests. However, perhaps the growing fears associated with passing up routine exams in favor of personal choice would not be so prevalent if knowledge of opposing evidence was more common. Women have come so far in their quest for rights and autonomy, from the right to vote to the "pro-choice" movement. We have these rights, ethical or not, but in striving for them, we have overlooked other fundamental choices to which women should have access. Raising awareness, and fighting for these forgotten freedoms, will bring us one step closer to the indubitable right to choose.

Works Cited

1 “Your First Pelvic Exam: A Guide for Teens.” First Pelvic Exam. 2007. Young Women’s Health. 15 Feb. 2008 .

2 Women in Government. “Frequently Asked Questions About Cervical Cancer & Human Papillomavirus (HPV).” Challenge to Eliminate Cervical Cancer. 17 Feb. 2008 <http://www.womeningovernment.org/prevention/documents/03CervicalCancerHPV.CCFAQ1-26-07.pdf>.

3 Brabin, Loretta and Fiona Barr. “Oral contraceptives and cervical cancer.” The Lancet. 360 (2000): 409-410.

4 Pellegrino, Edmund D. The Internal Morality of Medicine. Pages 569-570.

5 “How to Get Emergency Contraception.” Advocates for Youth. 2008. Advocates for Youth. 18 Feb. 2008 .

6 Dunn, Sheila et al. “Availability of emergency contraception after its deregulation from prescription-only status: a survey of Ontario pharmacies.” Canadian Medical Association. (February 12, 2008): 423-424.

7 “Cervical Cancer.” World Book Encyclopedia. World Book, Inc. Volume 2. Chicago, 2003.

8 “Lowest-Dose Birth Control Pills Provide the Greatest Ovarian Cancer Protection.” International Family Planning Perspectives. 33.2 (June 2007): 89-90.

9 “Birth Control Pills.” Planned Parenthood. 2008. Planned Parenthood. 10 Feb. 2008 .

10 “HOPE: Pills Without an Exam.” Planned Parenthood of the Mid-Hudson Valley, Inc. 2008. Planned Parenthood. 10 Feb. 2008 .

11 “Science Blog.” Columbia University College of Physicians and Surgeons. 2000. Science Blog. 17 Feb. 2008 .

12 Wright, Thomas C. et al. “HPV DNA Testing of Self-collected Vaginal Samples Compared With Cytologic Screening to Detect Cervical Cancer.” The Journal of American Medical Association. 283.1 (January 5, 2000): 81-86.

13 “Watchtower Blood Policy.” 2008. AJWRB. 17 Feb. 2008

The views and information represented above are intended for personal use only.

Any other use of the material must be cited completely.

Promises & Promiscuity

One of the things that bothers me about other people is their inherent tendency to be stupid. I certainly count myself under that umbrella, but I think it's safe to say that I think things through before taking a wrong action. And while it may be unfair to demand my values of others, it shouldn't be too much to hold them to their own.

I also don't like the term "pre-marital sex." Where did the "pre" come from, anyway? As I understand it, this is society's non-judgmental way of saying, "They just did it in a different order. They make their own choices, deviated from the crowd" as if their toying with a precious and sacred concept is the equivalent of ordering from the Burger King menu. "Have it your way" has become an all-too-natural behavioral mantra.

What we should be calling it is "non-marital sex." You weren't pre married, you were non married! Of course, this too has earned liberal acceptance. And, oh my, we wouldn't want to offend someone who did it their own way.

Certainly, there are people who just don't care. They've never cared, they don't consider consequences, and they are simply entitled. They were probably raised by parent-people who also never cared and felt entitled. These people, with some exception, are a lost cause by the time they hit their upper teenage years. They've learned a lifestyle, and to teach them differently would be to deprive them of what they once had.

But then there are people that know better. They claim beliefs, both religious and ethical, and vow to stand by them. They convince friends and family of their character and complain about those that deviate from such values. And it is these people who bother me the most when they falter. To deny values is one thing. To hypocritically profess them is another entirely.

I'm sick of my religious friends shacking up. I'm sick of them acting like it's "no big deal," when in fact they have surrendered their moral foundation for the opportunity to "be in love." I'm sick of the sanctity of my marriage (flawed as it may be) being trampled by the widespread approval of someone else's semblance of one.

I'm sick of supposedly chaste girls getting pregnant in high school (or middle school, or college, or their 30's). Though pregnancy itself is not the cause of my sickness, it certainly adds to the number of people their bad decisions impact. I'm sick of young women thinking it's ok to bypass important steps. Do they realize that the life into which they're bringing their baby is not good? Do they even think about the potential consequences - to themselves and their potential children - before spreading it for their horny high school boyfriends? If so, it doesn't seem to stick.

For the religious folk, consider this: You have sex, you're married. That's how God sees it. He doesn't appreciate your methodology, but you've consummated your relationship. You don't get a party. You don't get congratulations. You don't get to wear the pretty white dress.

Except that you do. And that makes me sick.

And when you get pregnant. You don't get a shower. You don't get the adoration of little girls who call you their idol. You don't get to think about how this affects you.

Except that, once again, you do. That makes me sick, too.

But the worst part is the scarcity of regard for the sanctity of sex and life. I am a married woman. Benjamin and I were both virgins when we said "I do." As a result, we share a special bond with each other that few modern young people can claim. Don't you think we were attracted to each other while we were dating? Don't you think we had opportunities to screw around? Don't you think I want babies? Duh!

But we were responsible. Some people think that "getting lost in the moment," having to "do" your significant other right then is a sign of insatiable love that no one understands. Guess what? We do understand - all of us who have made the right choices and retained our ethical premises. Jumping into bed with your high school sweetheart isn't love, it's horniness. And caving into those feelings doesn't make your relationship special and unique, it makes your relationship common and short-sighted.

I guess this is all grounded in my selfishness. I want my responsible choices to be viewed as positive, instead of being dismissed as old-fashioned. I don't want my life to be considered unexciting. And I don't want the things that I want so much in life to be taken for granted, even found inconvenient, by those who haven't earned them.

But when I really think about it, my life is exciting. I have a husband from whom I receive safety and love. We are passionate and loving, and we share a security of which unmarried couples can only dream. So I don't have a new guy every few months, but I get to keep a pretty great one. I don't have a baby to care for, but when I do, he or she will be a cherished blessing. And when I go to sleep tonight, I know that I will be waking up next to the same man tomorrow and for years to come. That's exciting.

Public Service Announcement: Little Asses

I would just like to make a blanket statement that if you want to be an ass, please be an ass to my face. I would appreciate it if your little ass could at least be a big enough ass to not be a chicken ass.

For example, if you come to the righteous conclusion that because I forgot about you and married someone else, and was so pompous as to ignore your suggestions otherwise, that I deserve to be ditched, please be so kind as to ditch me to my face.

I'm sorry that I kicked you in the balls.

I'm sorry that I had a crush on you before my frontal lobe was fully developed, and I'm sorry that it went away when that part of my brain began to grow.

I'm sorry that your attempts to convince my father to abruptly cancel my wedding failed you.

I'm sorry that my reaction to that nonsense embarrassed you.

I'm sorry that you randomly decided, almost a year later, that you would stick it to me by "unfriending" me. If you ask me, that's kindof babyish, and not a very positive reflection on you as a person. I mean, I'm certainly not prone to eliminate life-long friends because they embarrassed my ass, but I suppose your ass is a little more sensitive to being embarrassed. Maybe because it's tiny and incapable of drawing any kind of positive attention.

But then, what do I know? We're not friends anyway.

Prepositional Problem

(Original post at www.abforever.blogspot.com)

I was wondering...

Is it strange that when you're dating someone, you're defined as "in a relationship with" that person, but when you're married, you're "married to" that person? It's interesting how those little prepositions can change the connotation of your "status"?

"With" suggests harmony, community, and togetherness.

"To" suggests aggression and opposing directions.

I've also noticed this difference in how we discuss our conversations. If someone says, "I was talking to so-and-so," doesn't that convey more of a lecture-style monologue than, if they said, "I was talking with so-and-so." To me, the latter connotes a more positive, mutual dialog. Couldn't we apply this concept elsewhere?

Perhaps I'm taking this too far, so I'll stop before I work myself into further mindless cyber-banter. My point is just one I've been considering, and which probably makes no difference to other native English-speakers. I guess that's why they call me anal.

Viagra Commercials

(Original post at www.abforever.blogspot.com)

(I'm not sure if I spelled that right...)

Anyway, as I was mindlessly putting away my groceries, I heard a commercial on tv:
"Viagra is suitable for men with all levels of er*ct*le d*sfunct*on....Ask your doctor if your heart is healthy enough for sex."

I apologize for the *'s...I still feel like it's a dirty word lol. It shouldn't be, since I am a soon-to-be-married woman, but none-the-less...

Ok, so now that we're all sufficiently uncomfortable...I witnessed a serious cat fight at Wal-Mart tonight. A lady (and I use that term loosely) got all freaked out, and started pushing another lady out of the way, and hollering, and tattling to the supervising cashier lady at the self check-out. I was already stressed by having been held up several times, so I was ready to just knock everybody's heads together & call it a night. Luckily, though, I have a healthy capacity for self-restraint, and I managed to get by with just giving a probably-unnoticed annoyed look to the unlady-like lady.

Tootles!

Floooood!

I was on my way to the hospital this morning, and when I got to I-45 on 249, the intersection was flooded!! I called my dad to tell him I couldn't get on 45 and he told me another route to take. However, I got ambitious when I saw several trucks & SUVs braving the ocean, and called Dad back. His response: "Yes, but you don't try it! Their engines are much higher than yours!"

I've discovered that absolutely no stores have athletic pants that button up the sides. I hate fads because they by definition go away. Unfortunately for me, this reduction of popularity generally comes about 2 days before I find a practical use for said fad.

Grievances with my Job

I am taking this opportunity to list all the things that have happened to make me hate my job. I shant elaborate. I'm too tired. Goodnight.


Grievance #1 - Snobby Girls - They're younger than I. While I'm totally cool with having a more experienced high school student show me the ropes & even be "in charge," I certainly don't appreciate blatant snobbishness. (Update: Only 1 has been found guilty of snobery, lest anyone deem my judgement too harsh.)

Grievance #2 - Crazy Hours - Last night, after driving 250 miles home from Dallas, I was to work from 6:30-10:30. PM. This was not scheduled to flop over into the wee morning hours during which I generally like to sleep. In fact, we close at 9:30, so this even included an hour for the closing process. Especially since there were 4 of us (compared to the normal 2) closing, this should not have been a problem in ze least. But apparently, my luck dictates that my first time closing should be on the night before the annual corporate inspection. Or something. We pulled out refrigerators. We scrubbed walls. We scrubbed around the little metal holes in the counters where you put things. We swept, scrubbed, and mopped the floors. We dusted lamps hanging from the ceiling (the lamps, not us). Behold a funny convo:
Co-worker #1 - so did manager tell us to scrub the floors?
Shift Leader - no, owner did.
Co-worker #1 - what did he say?
Shift Leader - Owner told me to tell Co-worker #2 to scrub the floors
Me & Co-worker #1 - sigh of relief & then quiet laughter
Co-worker #2 - *puts head down on counter*
We finally got out of there just before 12:30. AM. That's a 4-hour shift turned into 6 hours. And I almost fell asleep twice on the way home. Poo. In fairness, I'm told it's not usually like this.

Grievance #3 - I was to open this morning, and my shift began at 10am. I left Mom crying at the hospital so I would be at work on time. When I got there, no shift leader could be found. After 15 minutes of sitting there & occasionally checking doors to make sure they hadn't been reeeeally early, I called my dad who gave me the phone number of the other location. I called there & got the owner's phone number & the code to the door. I still couldn't get the code to work, so I called the owner...then the shift leader arrived at 10:30. Apparently, it looked as though I had also just arrived.

Ok, so those are the grievances. Somehow, they seem less daunting than when they occured. My hope is that this is due mostly to my newness to the situation, though I've generally loved my previous jobs during the first week. As my disclaimer, rest assured that I'm sure that each of my coworkers is indeed very nice, and I just have not yet opened up enough to see it. After all, I hold to my previous resolution that there is something good and unique to be found in every person, and that I can in some way learn from them.

Apparently it's National Stupidity Day

I parked behind someone. It was ok, because there were two spots (count them, two)...one for the previous person & one for me.

Then an idiot comes & parks behind me, blocking me in. I was majorly peeved. My dad had to come remedy the situation.

I'm just in a generally bad mood. I need a cry movie. But I don't have a cry movie. So instead, I'm just going to have to stay in a generally bad mood & continue needing a cry movie, the lack of which will serve not to get me out of my bad mood, but to drown me all the more in it. So expect this bad mood for a while...

And I guess I'm just adding to the collective stupidity by expecting (hoping?) for anything to go in a positive fashion. And I'm so unbelievably SICK of people so "kindly" telling me about how "I'm sure it'll all be ok." Oh, you're sure, are you? Why don't you enlighten me in that area, as I seem to be lacking such levels of certainty. Wait a second...that's right...YOU DON'T KNOW CRAP! So put a sock in the "oh, I'm sure..." business. To get philosophical, a good friend once said "When a friend is in trouble, don't annoy him by asking if there is anything you can do. Think up something appropriate and do it." The same applies to annoying the heck out of me by flaunting your superior magic-ball-reading skills, which I am apparently without, considering my inability to comprehend your genius. If you have something intelligent to say, say it. If all you can think of are superficial greeting card cliches, I don't want to hear it. I know that people "mean well" but if you think about it, you're really saying these "sympathetic" phrases for your benefit, not mine.

And now I've just deleted a whole paragraph that I had typed right here, because I'm tired and I'm ready to go to bed. This summer is turning out to be more stressful than semesters, and what's really crappy is that the only people for me to talk to about it are already dealing with it themselves. How disheartening to feel like it's not fair weather.

Disclaimer: I'm probably over-dramatizing. I'm good at that. Goodnight.

Ok, here's that nostalgic post we've all been waiting for!

Stop. Go no further. Start the song Closing Time. Have you started it? Ok good. Now you may proceed.

In about 12 hours (I’ve been working on this throughout the day), I'm going to be moving for the 2nd time in a year. I'm so unbelievably happy to get to go home, see my family, spend oodles of time with my Mom...it's been hard living so far away. By the same token, though, I'm going to be so sad to leave this place - this apartment that has become my home away from home, these friends, this environment of intellectual stimulation. So, in the style of Zahra's post (her's is more picture-inclusive than mine), I shall proceed to give a list of grievances. Ah, how this reminds me of a day about 8 months ago when I was doing this very same thing.

While I'm certainly going to miss many aspects of this life I'm leaving, most of it revolves around the lovely girls of apartment ****. These girls have turned into more than amiable roommates. They've made my freshman year experience one that I will always look back upon with fondness. They have attained the status of best friends. And for that, they hold a special, irreplaceable place in my heart. I will miss them the most.

Things I Love About Julie
* Her French accent which she "can't help"
* Her decision to marry Switchfoot...collectively
* The inertia which causes her arms to flail behind her torso upon walking
* The way I never dread the sound of "Aaa-dri-on" (now "A-shri-on") in the distance
* She is always ready to watch a Lifetime movie with me & Sparky
* Her insistence on consuming every last speck of...whatever (lick that bowl, Julie!)
* The way she confidently declares herself endearing...but that she doesn't fully comprehend the limitlessness of that statement
* Her daily updates on Erwin in my absence
* Finding her slippers tucked neatly under the table for her to come back to
* Her pretty paintings that make our living room sparkle

Things I Love About Zahra
* Her beastly willingness to protect us amid our Lifetime fears…and to fight
* The fact that she LIVES to "lock me out"
* The way she "moves in" every Sunday evening
* That she is "the world's official hugger"...and never fails to deliver on that
* That she designates and entire load of laundry to her panties
* Her offer to come all the way to Houston just to chaperone a date
* That we reached a consensus to take a nap under the warm pink UTD blanket after Hope Floats

Things I Love About Valene
* Her facial expression after muttering “huh?”
* Her disgust with spinach…and our taste for it
* That she gave me part of the vacuum fuzz after cleaning it out
* The unrecognized peer pressure which she exerts on the rest of us with her spiffy sayings

I’ll miss the Waterview network connection hating me, and kicking me off alllll the time. Zahra, thank you for not blocking me on AIM, even though you threatened to do so. Having a reliable internet connection will be saddening.

I’ll miss Julie grabbing Luke & Lorelai with her bare hands so that we can clean their filthy water. I’ll miss having 4 people around to feed them constantly. And I’ll miss making beta babies!

I’ll miss the free movies that Valene found as part of our cable package. Sleepless in Seattle, West Side Story, Funny Girl…all better when you have great girls to share them with. Oh what fun, moving the couch up to the TV…we’re tough girls!

I’ll miss naming the boys that come into our lives. More than that, I’ll miss having those boys around to do things for us. I wonder if my brother….

I’ll miss hearing Julie’s door open in the mornings, and jumping out of bed immediately. That was better than any alarm clock. What! Julie’s up before me?! Aaaah!

I’ll miss calling the maintenance men for everything that needs done in our apartment. I treasure all of those maintenance reports that we have laying around. We’re on a first-name basis with several of them now!

I’ll miss looking at Jackie Chan every time I go into Julie’s room. I have to say, he’s beginning to grow on me now. Of course, the same can’t be said of Julie’s attitude toward my fuzzy posters. It’s ok…I’ll also miss her systematically removing them from my walls in the hope that I won’t notice.

I’ll miss shouting “someone’s food is ready” because the impatient microwave keeps beeping once a minute.

I’ll miss Julie trying to make me get new PJs. You’ve tried everything, and I’m still wearing cheeky monkey! Perhaps, though, we can get matching ones in accordance with your bribe.

I’ll miss the interrogation chair, and the reign of WABB over our relationships with boys. I’ll miss the confused look on many guys’ faces as we actually carried out the interrogations we promised. Remember when Cake Boy (ok ok, Tony) brought us that HUGE cake as a peace offering? I’m glad we gave him another chance.

I’ll miss Julie’s singing on the way to the grocery store or the movies. You’ve made me love Moulin Rouge, hun! You’re so unbelievably cute.

I’ll miss Thursday lunches in the PUB. How I’ve looked forward to those each week, and hated missing them on occasion. Even when I would be working the lunch rush, it was cheering just to see you guys come in.

I’ll miss the PUB itself, and the good friends I have made working there. I’m so blessed to be able to have fun at my job.

I’ll miss Roommate Weekends, and broadcasting our mutual love to the masses. “Do you have roommates? You should get some.”

I’ll miss taking trips in our pajamas. Wal-Mart, the Meteor Theater, the mailbox…ah, the memories.

I’ll miss Julie singing “Bad Day” and playing it on her computer when I have one. I’ll miss being able to hear the song on her computer when she goes to Zahra’s xanga, since my computer hates me & won’t play it.

I’ll miss having a home to come back to when I feel weezy.

I’ll miss taking pictures of everything. It feels like everything we’ve done has been properly documented visually. I love our three best pictures.

I’ll miss the menopausal weather. Hot. Cold. Moderately warm. Freezing beyond comprehension. Yeah, it’s always a surprise. Sorry I’ve been slacking on delivering the weather report each morning!

I’ll miss having no room in the refrigerator for legitimate stuff (like milk) because it is so full of to-go boxes.

I’ll miss the yellow walls, and Julie’s paintings.

I’ll miss finding my panties in a bag on my doorknob. I’ll miss having girls around who understand how you can have an entire bag full of panties.

I’ll miss waking up to the shrill sound of smoke detectors…and laughing in the living room while they continue to shriek for half an hour in the middle of the night.

I’ll miss eating french fries from the PUB. But not before we’ve re-cooked them in the oven & showered them with Tony Chachere’s (sp??)

But more than all of that, I’ll miss having girls to call maintenance for me. I’ll miss hearing my name (with a French accent, of course) on a daily basis. I’ll miss the people with whom I take grocery store trips, and the girls that live to lock me out. I’ll miss having those awesome friends who are willing to ask weird questions to make sure that the guys I’m hanging out with are worth it. I’ll miss deep conversations that last until the wee hours of the morning, and buying lots of pillows with my new bedding, confident that we’ll use all of them.

The memories…

In the past 8 months and 19 days, we have accomplished so much. Much more than a group of skimpy college girls could be expected. We have:
(click the * for a picture!!)
* Gotten through a pregnancy & learned French insults
* Successfully sauntered Wal-Mart in PJs at midnight without getting raped
* Learned how to do normal body functions in a class that 1/3 of us don’t take
* Cured Julie of her brownie addiction
* Established ourselves as virgins
* Taken pictures with Abuelo
* Been through some hard times, and remained there for each other
* Experienced the awesomeness that is giant QuikTrip cups
* Considered skydiving together…nah!
* Had fun with balls (hehe)
* Shrunk our collective female fat zones
* Traded clothes & warned each other of possible death-by-weather
* Made it through Govt 2302. ‘Nuff said.
* Realized that our best dates are with each other
* Giggled about boy parts during Thursday lunch
* Put glucose tablets to a much more “creative” use
* Gotten married. Some of us more than others…
* Been totally awesome princesses
* Gotten gussied
* Turned on one another, but made it through in the end
* Been scarred by the sight of nakey boys & discussed nakey trees
* Ordered & eaten 3 medium 1-topping pizzas
* Handled the three-musty-Mexican-maintenance-men & called maintenance for EVERYthing! They must loooooove us!
* Discovered the tragedy of the female condom & hemorrhoids
* Prepared for a tornado
* Had a slumber party on the balcony
* Grown quite accustomed to talking on AIM & banging on walls
* Experienced the happiness of Julie & Zahra’s marriage
* Left Olive Garden with 10 to-go boxes
* Gleefully pounced upon each other
* Caught & detained the blog culprit…but she still commits her crimes!
* Become tenacious wildcats in Jujitsu
* Dedicated Zahra the confrontational-phone-call maker…for bills and the cable guy
* Named boys & done interrogations with WAAB
* Spoken out against modern sexuality
* Played some serious flag football
* Toasted our 1-month anniversary
* Disturbed an entire movie theater with our fashionable exit
* Learned where we come from…through the people upstairs
* Lived through fire
* Rewarded ourselves with a couple of our favorite jelly donuts
* Left our comfort zones & made new & lifelong friendships

Tonight we had our reminiscence session. We sat on the couch, in our PJs of course, and ate french fries. We talked about our time together. Zahra recalled “hating” me when I moved in, because I apparently gave her a weird look. How was I to know that she was supposed to be there?! We realized that we attended the same orientation last April. The 3 of us recalled our first eager telephone conversations and unleashed first impressions. Julie thought I was going to be a drunken popular girl…but when she came in & saw me “freaking out” over groceries, she knew she had nothing to fear. I thought she was going to be a really anal smart girl…which she is (without the anal part :-p). Zahra addressed how unfair I have been in taking up all of the communal kitchen & storage space…and Julie agreed. Apparently, I have too much crap…but I can’t live without it. Then Julie started to go into her room. I thought she was coming to my room to read this screen (a super no-no) so I ran to stop her. In the process I hurt my foot. She doesn’t care…she said I deserved it. Poo. :-)

I’m sitting here, now at 2:30 in the morning, after just having had a discussion with Julie. Mostly, we talked about how much I miss orchestra & what a big part of my life that was. I’ve often thought about where I would be in my musical pursuits if I had followed my original plan to go elsewhere.

But tonight, after our reminiscence session, I realized that Julie, Zahra & I ALL wanted to go elsewhere. I wanted to go to Sam Houston & major in music. Zahra wanted to go to Rice & made this known through her attitude at UTD orientation. Julie wanted to go to Baylor & got a new car instead. I remember fighting my parents about this school, telling them it was the last place I wanted to go. I even had all of my friends hating the idea with me.

Even after deciding that I did want to come here, I still catch myself wondering. I wonder what I might have kept if I hadn't abandoned my “first choice.” What’s ironic is that after 8 months, I now realize what I would have lost if I had.

Love Always,
Adriane

I'm through taking classes for fun

I've been majorly pooped upon for taking Gender Studies, an ELECTIVE which I didn't even have to take. Here's to making a B on your paper, when you never make B's on papers. Here's to writing a paper, supposed to be 3 pages, that is a little over 3 pages, and realizing that one of the main reasons you got a big fat B is that you didn't ELABORATE! This makes little sense, seeing as how I went over the page stipulation anyway. I'm mad more at myself than my professor. Being that I'm a Literature major, I should probably be getting A's on things, you know, that deal with writing. Just an idea. So like I said, I'm through taking classes that aren't required.

Fuming

I'm sick & tired of some guys acting "nice" and then deciding to behave like the pushy, needy people they are. Not all guys, of course, but some. So in case anyone is reading this who hasn't gotten it through their head, MY PRIORITIES ARE HERE TO STAY SO GET USED TO IT OR LEAVE ME ALOOOOONE! And to all the girls out there, any worthwhile guy who claims to like you will appreciate that you have priorities and are not a needy whiney brat. They will love that you are devoted to things other than them. It is the kind of guy that, before you've even met (which I know was against my better judgement & the judgement of those who care about me) says, "well you SAID blah blah blah and NOW you're saying that your SCHEDule is BUSy blah blah blah..." I have one response for that: I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOUUUUUUU! This is the kind of guy that girls marry & then get killed by out of their heinous jealousy. Stop expecting me to get off the phone with someone else to talk to you. I said we could meet cause I like to make new friends at school. THAT DOESN'T MEAN WE'RE DATING! That doesn't mean you get to ask where I am all the time or what I was doing when you tried to call me. I am strong & smart, and I'm not going to cower to a guy to feel validated. I look forward to the time when I find a man with whom I can have a meaningful conversation, discuss religion and God, our families, and our aspirations. I hope to find that he who shares my beliefs, whom I can respect. ALL YOU'VE DONE IS SENT ME MESSAGES & TRIED TO GET ME TO MEET YOU OFF CAMPUS! NO! I'm busy! I'll make an exception & meet you (because I think it's rather creepy to meet people online without any other connection) in a public place on campus and play chess or pool. THAT'S IT! And STOP acting so annoyed and hurt that I'm busy. If we're going to be friends, you're going to have to learn that sometimes other things are going on that you have to work around. Julie's learned it! Zahra's learned it! Megan & Andrew & Josh have learned it! Even my Mom has learned it! And these people are very close to me! WE'RE NOT GOING TO BE DATING!
I've gone off completely...sorry to those who must read it. This person probably isn't even reading this post, and if he is, well, then this situation just got a lot creepier. Here's how I feel, for those who care. I am strong & independent. I'm not going to let a guy think he owns me. I do look forward to someday finding "the one" who genuinely cares, but doesn't try to be overly controling. Even in dating, you have to be your own person. One day I hope to get married, and that man will be one for whom I have deep respect & admiration. I'll be able to trust him and his judgement, and we will make decisions together. I will call him when I get somewhere, but not because I'm forced to. Until then, I'm sick & tired of the few stupid guys out there making me sick & tired. I know there are a lot of great ones.
NOW I need to write my term paper.

Money Money

In keeping with the previous post's theme (coins), I've been thinking about those dollar coins that the US Mint came out with a few years ago. I remember I was in middle school. I thought that the new coins would soon catch on, and the entire US economic system would adapt to suit their hefty presence. Vending machines would have a place for dollar coins rather than bills, cash drawers would have an additional section, and people would walk around with bags of money tied to one of their belt loops rather than wallets protruding from one back pocket. Why did they make these coins anyway? It's not like there was any shortage of people spending money. It was probably some marketing technique used by the bored guys at the Mint, who said, "hey, if we make spiffy golden dollar coins, people will start spending money again! horray!" I'm disappointed by the fact that the coins have not caught on as I originally anticipated. My dreams of a dollar coin run America have been shot down, and I am now as sad version of my hopeful child self.

Money Money

In keeping with the previous post's theme (coins), I've been thinking about those dollar coins that the US Mint came out with a few years ago. I remember I was in middle school. I thought that the new coins would soon catch on, and the entire US economic system would adapt to suit their hefty presence. Vending machines would have a place for dollar coins rather than bills, cash drawers would have an additional section, and people would walk around with bags of money tied to one of their belt loops rather than wallets protruding from one back pocket. Why did they make these coins anyway? It's not like there was any shortage of people spending money. It was probably some marketing technique used by the bored guys at the Mint, who said, "hey, if we make spiffy golden dollar coins, people will start spending money again! horray!" I'm disappointed by the fact that the coins have not caught on as I originally anticipated. My dreams of a dollar coin run America have been shot down, and I am now as sad version of my hopeful child self.

And they call this love?

I got an email from "Yahoo Answers"...their way of advertising. Glancing over it, I saw that their sample question was "How do you know it's true love?" Then they gave sample answers from "real people". The answers were:
- There's no drama
- You meet the family
- You're willing to do things you hate

The first 2 seem unrealistic to me, but I don't have a problem with them on principle. Though there will doubtless always be some drama in every relationship & meeting someone's family can signify just that you're a people person or that everyone's schedule happened to work out for you to meet, I won't waste my time arguing with them.

However, I do have a problem with the 3rd answer. You're willing to do the things you hate? What the heck? If someone loves you, they're not going to be insisting that you do things that you legitimately hate. And if you genuinely hate something, you shouldn't spend your life with someone who will insist that you do it. If vacuuming really irks you, then don't marry someone who thinks that you should vacuum every other day. And if what's his name wants you to jump off a bridge to prove your undying love, well, perhaps you should reconsider whether their "love" stems from true affection of a wild side need for excitement. I know that this has nothing to do with most stuff, and it's really not that important...but I am easily annoyed by the misnomer of "love" in popular society. Perhaps people should nurture real love for another person, rather than a version fueled by the gossip of break-ups and one-night stands.

I'm too tired, ticked off, aggrivated, stressed to write substance now...

...but I shall say a few words. Today (or tonight) craps. That's right, it has gone beyond sucking all the way to the other end which is crapping. I feel really bad for using that language, but this is my blog & I think I'll just say whatever I feel like saying.

First of all, I have a severe handicap in that I can not deal with stupid people. Note to the general stupid populous: Stop being stupid around me or embrace my wrath.

Secondly, I'm very sore. And I think my lack of sugar is making me a b-word to be around. Either that or it's having a placebo effect. And my arms are very sore. Please discount all of this, however, because I brought it upon myself & I feel like somewhat of a hypocrite whining about it.

Thirdly, I'm frustrated about my looming midterm in Gender Studies and my "let's kill Adriane's A in Genetics" exam...in Genetics. It would be really stupid of me to imply that another exam would personify itself into attempting to destroy my Genetics grade. And if you remember, I have a very low tolerance for stupid people.

Fourth, I came home from work, started cooking rice to have with the chicken I brought home from the Mardi Gras party at the Pub, and took a shower. I set the timer for the 40 minutes that the package instructed me to do. Julie informed me later that something was burning, and what do you know, my rice is stuck to the pan & I get to spend more than 15 minutes scraping the pan to clean it (still not done) when the timer had 6 minutes left. And I start to eat my dinner, only to discover that the salvaged rice tastes suspiciously like a firework just went off in my mouth.

Ok, now that I've complained, I'll post a couple of convos that happened at work:
Greg: Have you heard of *band name*?
Me: No
Greg: I figured
Me: Are you making fun of me indirectly?
Greg: YOU ARE A SQUARE!!!

Me: Someone's gonna slip & fall
Piotr: It's probably gonna be you
Me: See I'll be unconscious & you won't get to say "I'm sorry"
Piotr: I'll write it down
Me: I'll be dead dead dead
Piotr: Then I'll meet you there

Also, yesterday was my first day off since I started working. So that was good.

Today's Random Fact: Whenever I feel crappy, I have a really hard time being nice to people. I think up satisfying things to say in response to their babble, but then decide that I will regret it & that I don't actually mean it, so I'm nice. Sometimes, though, I do snap at people. Don't take it personally. I will probably come back & appologize.