Respecting Those Closest
Yesterday, my husband and I were talking, and I asked him, "What is the number one thing that I could change to make our relationship better?" He said, "Have a better attitude."
His response startled me. In my mind, I generally have a good attitude. I give people the benefit of the doubt, I’m careful not to snap at people who can’t control/didn’t cause my problem, and I work to let minor things go. I go so far as to think about what a stranger or acquaintance might be going through, and cut them slack.
But do I show the same consideration for my husband? Sadly, that answer is often a big “No.”
I come home from work most days tired, and either stressed or annoyed. Though I work hard not to take these feelings out on my husband, I do complain to him about them. What I didn’t realize is that to him, the two are often interchangeable.
Interestingly, I had read this post on BiblicalWomanhood.com on Thursday. Perhaps this loving Christian wife’s pitfall helped to me acknowledge my own, and be more open to the criticism of my husband than I might be otherwise. While it’s good to know that I’m not the only wife that falls into this pattern, it’s scary to think that women (or men) are habitually taking their frustrations from outside the home and planting them in the very place that, in my husband’s words, “is supposed to be safe.”
Benjamin & me on our honeymoon, August 2007
His response startled me. In my mind, I generally have a good attitude. I give people the benefit of the doubt, I’m careful not to snap at people who can’t control/didn’t cause my problem, and I work to let minor things go. I go so far as to think about what a stranger or acquaintance might be going through, and cut them slack.
But do I show the same consideration for my husband? Sadly, that answer is often a big “No.”
I come home from work most days tired, and either stressed or annoyed. Though I work hard not to take these feelings out on my husband, I do complain to him about them. What I didn’t realize is that to him, the two are often interchangeable.
Interestingly, I had read this post on BiblicalWomanhood.com on Thursday. Perhaps this loving Christian wife’s pitfall helped to me acknowledge my own, and be more open to the criticism of my husband than I might be otherwise. While it’s good to know that I’m not the only wife that falls into this pattern, it’s scary to think that women (or men) are habitually taking their frustrations from outside the home and planting them in the very place that, in my husband’s words, “is supposed to be safe.”
Benjamin & me on our honeymoon, August 2007We have enough things to worry about at home without bringing in outside contamination. Home is supposed to be safe – and while “safe” to me may mean being able to voice my frustrations, “safe” to my husband is being able to enjoy his wife in a pleasant environment.
This is not to say that I should not share things that have a significant impact on our lives. I don’t think my husband would suggest that, either. But if I can strive to limit my venting to things that really matter, I will more thoroughly honor my husband. I want my life to revolve around home – not work, traffic, or trivial worries.
We should show the greatest respect and love to those closest to us. And though I had convinced myself that I was respecting him by being open, he only felt disrespected and dumped-on. I need to show his definition of respect, just as I want to be shown mine.
This is not to say that I should not share things that have a significant impact on our lives. I don’t think my husband would suggest that, either. But if I can strive to limit my venting to things that really matter, I will more thoroughly honor my husband. I want my life to revolve around home – not work, traffic, or trivial worries.
We should show the greatest respect and love to those closest to us. And though I had convinced myself that I was respecting him by being open, he only felt disrespected and dumped-on. I need to show his definition of respect, just as I want to be shown mine.
Labels: blogs, home, love and marriage, men, social commentary, work
posted by Adriane at
10:44 AM
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