Ding!
I went to the UTD Bookstore (forgive me) yesterday to buy some more books. After I had found 4, I walked over to the non-textbook side of the store, as I usually do, to look at things that are a little less stressing before leaving. Along the wall of test-prep guides, I found the world's most angst-inducing contraption!
It was a timer. Not just any timer, but an ingenious invention manufactured for the sole purpose of staring at you in the middle of a standardized test (so many to choose from, they brag) and laughing at your inability to meet its ridiculous standards.
These guys are major overachievers. A simple wrist watch is too amateur for the likes of them. Instead, they have spent their free time, during which they probably should have been studying for the standardized tests, your scores on which they now proclaim to improve, making a timer for these very exams. Behold, the benefits of using (imagine big booming voice) *The LSAT TIMER*:
1. It's completely silent. This way, you won't be that annoying person in the third row from whose desk a beeping sounds continuously radiates throughout the exam. In turn, you are not pulverized by a mass of anxious law school/med school/teacher certificate hopefuls during the 4 minute bathroom break. You are thus able to continue to the end of the test, rather than spending the last 3 sections in the ICU of the nearest hospital.
2. There are buttons on the front of the timer for each type of test. Fortunately, you don't have to waste valuable brain space remembering the time segments during your months of pre-exam cramming. In fact, you don't even have to pay attention as the curator mindlessly reads the exam booklet to the room full of hung-over test-takers, verbatim. Instead, go ahead and take an extra 10 seconds and get started. You deserve it. After all, you're smarter than all of them anyway because you bought this novelty timer.
3. The red button sitting atop the timer gives you something to hit. Your days of running your pencil to a stub are over, as all of your frustration may now be exerted on that poor red button. You can feel relieved as the count of questions remaining lowers with each punch. Or, if you're one of those game show fanatics, go ahead and game the day away as you pretend to be on Jeopardy or Where in the World is Carmen SanDiego. You might not pass the test, but at least you will walk away with that imaginary big screen tv & the championship title.
4. Big section for "time remaining". For people who don't like change, or whose mother bought them this timer to improve their MCAT score over their last 4 attempts, and who really just want to know how much time is left of this misery, a normal down-counting clock keeps track of the seconds so you don't have to.
5. The timer records your questions completed and questions remaining. This comes in especially handy if you're one of those people who can't count. If your skills lie more in the area of hitting little red buttons, you're in luck!
6. You are given a specific amount of time to complete each question. This is good for people who don't actually read the passages, and for whom every question presents the same level of difficulty. This function of the timer is a good way to remind yourself that it's much more important to glance at every question than to answer 80% of them correctly. Contrary to popular belief and the police department, speed does not kill.
7. Time remaining per question is listed as well. Lest you become overzealous and attempt to finish a nearly-complete question after your alotted 22.3 seconds has passed, this timer will remind you. Do not fall prey to the feelings of stress & helplessness which the rest of the weak might experience while watching the time pass through their fingers like sand in an hourglass. If you're ever gonna make it in the real world, you must be well versed in the art of taking timed exams while glancing frantically up at the timer every 2 seconds to make sure that you're on schedule. Don't worry, it gets easier with practice. By about the 3rd time you take your standardized test of choice, you should be able to nod your head up and down from timer to scantron in a very rhythmical fashion. And that's a much more valuable skill than knowing the prime numbers from 1-1000 anyway.
So, now for a practice question. Please select the best answer.
After considering the advantages of using this type of timer, I am ____ to use such a device during my upcoming standardized test, for which I should probably be studying but hey, what the heck, I'm doing tool research so I can better prepare to pass with less than a mediocre handle of the material.
a) not at all likely
b) less likely
c) the same amount of likely
d) more likely
e) most definately likely
Yes. I think this is exactly what I need.
It was a timer. Not just any timer, but an ingenious invention manufactured for the sole purpose of staring at you in the middle of a standardized test (so many to choose from, they brag) and laughing at your inability to meet its ridiculous standards.
These guys are major overachievers. A simple wrist watch is too amateur for the likes of them. Instead, they have spent their free time, during which they probably should have been studying for the standardized tests, your scores on which they now proclaim to improve, making a timer for these very exams. Behold, the benefits of using (imagine big booming voice) *The LSAT TIMER*:
1. It's completely silent. This way, you won't be that annoying person in the third row from whose desk a beeping sounds continuously radiates throughout the exam. In turn, you are not pulverized by a mass of anxious law school/med school/teacher certificate hopefuls during the 4 minute bathroom break. You are thus able to continue to the end of the test, rather than spending the last 3 sections in the ICU of the nearest hospital.
2. There are buttons on the front of the timer for each type of test. Fortunately, you don't have to waste valuable brain space remembering the time segments during your months of pre-exam cramming. In fact, you don't even have to pay attention as the curator mindlessly reads the exam booklet to the room full of hung-over test-takers, verbatim. Instead, go ahead and take an extra 10 seconds and get started. You deserve it. After all, you're smarter than all of them anyway because you bought this novelty timer.
3. The red button sitting atop the timer gives you something to hit. Your days of running your pencil to a stub are over, as all of your frustration may now be exerted on that poor red button. You can feel relieved as the count of questions remaining lowers with each punch. Or, if you're one of those game show fanatics, go ahead and game the day away as you pretend to be on Jeopardy or Where in the World is Carmen SanDiego. You might not pass the test, but at least you will walk away with that imaginary big screen tv & the championship title.
4. Big section for "time remaining". For people who don't like change, or whose mother bought them this timer to improve their MCAT score over their last 4 attempts, and who really just want to know how much time is left of this misery, a normal down-counting clock keeps track of the seconds so you don't have to.
5. The timer records your questions completed and questions remaining. This comes in especially handy if you're one of those people who can't count. If your skills lie more in the area of hitting little red buttons, you're in luck!
6. You are given a specific amount of time to complete each question. This is good for people who don't actually read the passages, and for whom every question presents the same level of difficulty. This function of the timer is a good way to remind yourself that it's much more important to glance at every question than to answer 80% of them correctly. Contrary to popular belief and the police department, speed does not kill.
7. Time remaining per question is listed as well. Lest you become overzealous and attempt to finish a nearly-complete question after your alotted 22.3 seconds has passed, this timer will remind you. Do not fall prey to the feelings of stress & helplessness which the rest of the weak might experience while watching the time pass through their fingers like sand in an hourglass. If you're ever gonna make it in the real world, you must be well versed in the art of taking timed exams while glancing frantically up at the timer every 2 seconds to make sure that you're on schedule. Don't worry, it gets easier with practice. By about the 3rd time you take your standardized test of choice, you should be able to nod your head up and down from timer to scantron in a very rhythmical fashion. And that's a much more valuable skill than knowing the prime numbers from 1-1000 anyway.
So, now for a practice question. Please select the best answer.
After considering the advantages of using this type of timer, I am ____ to use such a device during my upcoming standardized test, for which I should probably be studying but hey, what the heck, I'm doing tool research so I can better prepare to pass with less than a mediocre handle of the material.
a) not at all likely
b) less likely
c) the same amount of likely
d) more likely
e) most definately likely
Yes. I think this is exactly what I need.
Labels: IN PROGRESS
posted by Adriane at
1:29 PM
6 Comments:
C - the same amount of likely!!!!
Wow. That is hilarious and made my brother ask what I was laughing about.
I'll go with "A." Whoever can't count will probably have trouble on the LSAT. Or at life.
Actually the LSAT doesn't test counting abilities. Just analytical & logical reasoning. But I bet the MCAT does, as does the GRE, and some of the Teacher Certifications. It's also for the SAT, which is part math. I, personally, stink at math. But I did better on that part of the SAT even though I'm a Lit major...how does that work??
Well, I'm saying, people who have trouble with counting will generally have difficulties elsewhere academically. Like with logic.
I would have to agree with that. Those who have a counting deficiency are probably prone to having other deficiencies. I'm not a doctor, so I can't vouch for that completely, but considering my wonderful counting skills and my swift logical reasoning capabilities, I believe I have a basis for my hypothesis, er, your hypothesis.
it teaches rhythmic bobbing of the head... which is as important as the ability to count... (in case you haven't heard, music and rhythm makes you smart).
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